Ode to the Mysterious Jaw Man

GUESS WHAT!

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No, really, guess!
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Oh fine, I’ll just tell you.

I AM IN LOVE!

I know, I know. It’s wonderful

Now, I’m not talking about the “pick out some china because we’re getting married in the spring” kind of love, rather the “stare at you from the back of the bus and think about taking a picture of you with my phone because you would NEVER KNOW but not ever actually doing it because that would make me a creepy stalker and I’m not quite ready to make that leap yet” kind of love.

His name is, well, I have no idea because I’ve never actually talked to him, but I call him the Jaw Man. Why do I call him that, you ask? Because the man has a profile like a Greek God. Seriously, this guys Jaw was chiselled by Apollo himself. He sits there, reading his books, jaw like a door hinge, nose like an isosceles triangle and hair like a chia pet... Sigh.

Here, I drew you a picture



Hmm... Let me try again.




Not quite...




There! Now you can understand the depth on my longing.

Oh beautiful jaw man, why are we doomed forever to cross paths in the night, sitting always across the bus from one another. I gaze at you with ardent ardor, yet you never even glance my way.

Why, oh beautiful jaw man? WHY!

Is it the limp, sort of red coloured hair? The stained, vaguely army print sweatshirt with the bits of old food in the pockets? The wide, vacant stare and faint yogurt smell? WHAT!! WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME!

I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t shout at you. But you must understand just how deeply I pine for thee! We were a match made in heaven, I know it! You, with your perfect jaw, and me, with my back pimples... Why won’t you look at me!!!

Fine, I don’t want to have your perfect jawed babies after all. Who cares about you, Mysterious Jaw Man. You’re just, just a boy! On the bus! Hah! ZING!

Wait... What is that? Is it...........




OH MY GOD! We read the same books!!! We have a deep, spiritual connection! I KNEW IT! Come, let us frolick away into the sunset, hands clasped, discussing our favourite dark fantasy novels while I bask in your jawey glory!

He`s getting up! He`s walking toward me! Okay, act cool. Pretend you haven`t been staring at him for over a month. Check the breath, just in case... Aaaaaaaand casually glance to the right..... As he gets off the bus. Awesome. Well, at least I know where he lives now.

Next time Mysterious Jaw Man, Next time!