OOOoooh it's been a long been a long been a long, been a long coupla weeks!!

Sorry for the radio silence! (Did anyone notice? Does anyone but me read this? Hello ello ello ello ellooooooo......)

Anyway, I had a show open last week, which means my life has not been my own. Why then didn't I post after the show had opened you ask? Uh........ LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY! *throws glitter and runs*

Anyway, I'm back! Aren't you just overcome with glee? And I've brought more Conversations with Three Year Olds! And Vader Blog!

Soon I'll have a long, hopefully funny, and informative post for you on the joys of community theater.

And now... CONVERSATIONS WITH THREE YEAR OLDS!

In a Parking Lot

Thing 1: Oh, I remember! You have boobies! Can I open them? *Pulls on neck of shirt till shame is exposed to the whole wide world*

Me: Not here sweatpea... *tucks shame away again*

Thing 1: Mummy has boobies too, but hers go squash! *proceeds to try to turn them into one gigantic super boob*

Me: Okay kiddo... *Puts her down*

Thing 1: Look! More boobies! *Grabs flab. Squishes*

Me: Sigh.......

And now, to explain the following interaction, I must introduce you to The Cat in the Hat, also knows as the twins five year old sister. Lovely child, if mellow dramatic... She will be henceforth known as Cat, for simplicity.

At the Park

Thing 2: I'm Cinderella!

Cat: I'm Rapunzel!

Thing 1: I'm Tunaman!

Cat: Tunaman! That's stupid Thing 1. Be the Prince!

Me: Cat! Don't call you sister stupid. Thing 1, are you a superhero?

Thing 1: Yes! I have madbee power!

Me: Madbee power?

Thing 1: Yes, I can turn him into a castle. With polkadots.

Semi-Sequitur’s With Three Year Olds

While being buckled into her car seat

Thing 1: I think your Mummy and Daddy must be mad.

Me: What? Why?

Thing 1: Because you run outside and don’t sleep and then they will have to chase you!

While playing in the playroom, in reference to stealing her sisters toys

Thing 2: But I CAN’T say please because I am a pretty girl!

At lunch time. Out of nowhere

Thing 1: I think your Mummy and Daddy will laugh.

Me: Oh yeah? Why?

Thing 1: Cause I bumped my head really hard and now you get the sparkly dust!

On the playground. After falling down

Thing 2: But I CAN’T play because my nose hurts so I can only kick you!

Then proceeds to kick me.

After finding a pretty spectacular mud puddle

Thing 2: Look how muddy I am!! *super proud look of sublime accomplishment *

FIVE SECONDS LATER

Thing 2: Sasha................................................................. I’M MUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Look of ultimate hurt and betrayal. Instant flood of tears* My pants are MUUUUUUDDDYYYYYYY!!! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!

Conversations with Three Year Olds 2

Adventures in Nap Time:


Thing 2: *sneaks on elephant feet out of playroom and across hall, giggling quietly*

Me: Thing 2, it’s quiet time. You need to go back to the playroom.

Thing 2: I need to get Thing 1...

Me: No, Thing 1 is asleep. I need you to go back to...

Thing 2: But I need to paint her hair!

Me: No, Thing 1 is sleeping. Go back to the playroom please.

Thing 2: But I’m going to tip toe!

Me: No thank you. Go back to the playroom. One...

Thing 2: Stop that!

Me: Two...

Thing 2: I’M GOING TO TIP TOE!!!!!!

Me: Three. Go back please.

Thing 2: FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runrunrun SLAM!*

Two Seconds Later

Thing 2: *sneak sneak sneak*

Me: Thing 2?

Thing 2: *runrunrun SLAM!*

Thing 1: *coming out of room* I’m up!

Me: Siiiiiiiigh.

Coversations with Three Year Olds

So, I work as a Nanny (when I am not busy moonlighting as a famous actress and playwright) and I am lucky enough to take care of three year old twins. Why lucky, you ask? Because they are comedy GOLD!

So welcome to the first instalment of “Conversations with Three Year Olds!”
*For privacy purposes the twins will be referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2 from here on out.

At the bus stop, on the way home from Pre-School

Me: What did you do at school today?

Thing 1: Played!

Me: What did you play?

Thing 1: *unintelligible word that might have been mouseribgloopwagonfy*

Me: ... Oh yeah? And how do you play mouserigerfy...

Thing 1: It’s orange!

Thing 2: No! It’s purple!

Thing 1: GREEN!

Both (In perfect unison, like creepy twins from a horror movie): It’s green!